Wednesday 01 Apr 2020


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Day 9 of Lockdown



NHS launches FREE BEER prescriptions

An new initiative from the Ministry of Health will make beer available as a prescription medicine from Friday.

The positive effects of a pint of stout have been recognised in a new NHS initiative
The positive effects of a pint of stout have been recognised in a new NHS initiative

Prescriptions for pints of stout will be issued to patients who can convince their local GP they are suffering from anaemia, insomnia, or tiredness.

Regular repeat prescriptions will have to be signed off by GPs weekly to prevent "abuse of the system", according to a spokesperson.

In response to the new legislation, Conservative MP for Lichfield and Lord Commissioner of the Treasury Michael Fabricant told the Daily Star: “They used to say 'Guinness is Good for You'. I’m told that nowadays the NHS will not supply it in a pint glass but as an intravenous drip.”

Lovers of The Black Drink will need to convince their GP that they’re having trouble getting to sleep, or staying awake, or just generally feeling a bit run down to qualify for the National Health Service’s revolutionary therapeutic beer scheme.

Michael Fabricant MP has welcomed the move
Michael Fabricant MP has welcomed the move

Furious publicans are said to be preparing a letter of complaint to the Health Minister asking for assurances that the free beer would not affect their already threatened businesses.

Over 10,000 pubs have closed their doors since 2000 due to falling demand and it has been described as "every Briton’s patriotic duty" to go out for a beer at least once a week.

On behalf of the licensed trade, Pub landlord Al Murray said: “I’m not exaggerating when I say that beer is the elixir of life. Since the dawn of time beer has accompanied mankind through life’s journey, a loyal friend and companion.”

Al Murray has spoken up for endangered pub landlords
Al Murray has spoken up for endangered pub landlords

Lastly, I have to tell you that this article wasn’t entirely serious and that while there are significant health benefits to be had from beer, taken in moderation, the NHS will not be offering free beer in 2019.

Look at the first letter in every paragraph above for more details.

Daily Star


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