Thursday 28 May 2020

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Day 66 of Lockdown

If 2020 had a flavor. It would be orange juice and toothpaste.

Wasted at Veterinary School

Kim was watching a vets programme on TV the other night, and something said on there just tickled me.

A dog was being brought into the vets surgery for treatment, and the vet who hosts the programme was giving a voiceover narration:

(read this in an Australian accent for best effect)

I could tell immediately that something wasn't right with Rover - he was looking decidedly sheepish

All the thousands of dollars spent at veterinary school were wasted - that's natural vet talent right there!


As I age, I find myself forgetting the basic things - total brain farts - and it's worrying as it is annoying.

This happened to me today when I went to go out of the house and had put on my shoes and everything, but realized I was still in my "lounge (pyjamas) shorts"

The whole thing brought to mind a story from when I lived in Halesowen:

Elderly Gentleman Shopping

I lived and worked in Halesowen in the Black Country part of the Midlands of England.

Often a colleague and friend of mine, Chris Bevan, would accompany me to the local Somerfield supermarket during our lunch break, in search of the lunchtime delights it had on offer1.

During one visit, I noticed an elderly gentleman going about his business in the shop - dressed, as so often men of his age are, in a shirt and tie and suit jacket. He was wearing a nice pair of polished brogues and socks with those old-fashioned garter things that hold them up. Now, the reason I could see these sock accessories was because

He had forgotten to put on any trousers

Yep, he was walking around Somerfield in his underpants.

At first, I thought he might be suffering from some mental health issue, but as I've grown older, and as I've become more forgetful, I too await the day that I forget to put on any trousers to go shopping...

I bet that gentleman was horrified when he discovered his lapse in memory!

Actually, the story above has reminded me of two other incidents of my own life

School Piano

At junior school, on two separate occasions, I had somehow forgotten to put on any underwear under my school uniform. On both occasions we had Games or PE that day. The first time I had to change in the classroom's store cupboard (with Caroline Davidson looking in through the keyhole), but the second time was in Gymnastics Clubs after school.

I was the only boy in Gymnastics Club - and derided for it by my contemporaries as it was deemed a girly/soft thing to do, which is odd because I spent loads of time with girls while they wallowed in mud with other boys - hey ho!

So this particular day, I had to change behind the upright piano that lived in the main hall of Carbeile Junior School!

Ripped Shorts

It was summer, and a hot one at that. I was in my late teens and during the lazy holidays, I would often visit the Wilcove Inn at lunchtime for a refreshing cider.

Well, liquid refreshment wasn't my only reason - hormone refreshment was the main reason for visiting, as I really took a shine to the barmaid, Annalise, who worked in the pub.

This particularly hot day, Annalise was found to be cleaning the shelves behind the bar and struggling to reach the higher items for cleaning - of course, I offered to help.

I went behind the bar and was using a stool to gain access to the higher parts - with my back to the bar and everyone who came in.

In the afternoon, at home, I was on the telephone (landline - remember those?) with my friend, Andy Reid, when I absent mindedly started scratching my right buttock.

Well, I soon realized that I was scratching bare skin and immediately craned around to see why - my shorts had a right-angled rip in them that folded a flap of material down to expose my entire right butt cheek!

My mind immediately went back over the last few hours and to my horror, I realized that I must have been exposing myself during that entire lunch period in the bar - a fact confirmed by Annalise later...

  1. I went through a stage of buying and eating tuna in an attempt to get some of the fish nutrients and oils within without too much of a fishy taste. But I never enjoyed it and was just torturing myself really, so I stopped that after about a fortnight...

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